The Guilt of Motherhood

The pressures, expectations, self-judgment and outward comparisons of being a mom are enormous. Enormous I tell you! The things I find myself feeling bad about, or guilty about like I've dropped the ball are truly ridiculous. But it feels like the nature of parenting and motherhood has these crazy notches on the measuring stick, and because some kids can do certain things or some moms do certain things, then my lack of doing those things means I have somehow let my kid down. Which if I try, for just a moment, to be a rational human being I may be able acknowledge that my worries are unreasonable. But I am unreasonable, so the whole rational thinking thing doesn't equate to much. Here are a few examples of what seem to be worthy of questioning my mom skills.  

Henry is almost 11 months old and doesn't know a bit of sign language. He cannot sign to tell us if he's hungry, full, tired, or would like a puppy.  But he does whisper something that sounds very close to "poop" while he is pooping, which to me, is pretty extraordinary. 

I'm not big into music but about a month ago, James played some music while he was hanging out with Henry, and he immediately responded. He calmed down, he was listening and thinking, and he was bobbing up and down. Great, right? Except that I felt terrible that I had wasted 10 months of his life without surrounding him with music, and maybe, just maybe, I had already set back his brain development, because we all know music helps tiny human's brains develop and become more active. So I'll have you know that every day since we make sure we have music on while we play or eat. Hopefully I can undo the effects of my failure to have music playing for 10 whole months. 

My kid has worn socks maybe a dozen times in the 300+  days he's been alive. Apparently people expect babies to have socks on? This guilt is only momentary, and then I think, my kid hasn't ever been sick. Which I also attribute to the fact that he, on numerous occasions, has chewed on grocery carts, restaurant tables, and playground equipment. My lack of concern has lead to an impenetrable immune system. For this I am confident. 

I can probably spill out some meaningful statement about not judging our parenting and mom skills and that comparing ourselves to others isn't fair, but the fact is, I do it. Constantly. I think on one hand, it keeps me striving to be an awesome mom, on the other hand it keeps me questioning if I am doing enough and on the last hand -- because moms have three hands, thats how we get some much done -- the bitterness reaffirms that I am happy with how I am showing up as a mom, even if it's not the most "proper" way. 

Because we have fun. We laugh and smile and sneak up on eachother with kisses. We make huge messes, and loud noises. We blow bubbles in our water cup and bite eachothers feet. We sit on the floor and eat snacks and sometimes leave the house without being all put together. We try our absolute best. This is the good stuff, we don't make it serious. 

Hips Don't Lie

Finally back into pants that have buttons and zippers. Not that I'm all that excited. I have an open stance on making it socially acceptable to wear maternity - aka elastic waisted - pants at all times. Not because I want to gain 300lbs and forget about my middriff's well being, but because it is SO comfortable..and convenient for that matter. You dont have to button or zip and when you've got a crying baby, being able to pee in a flash is highly sought after. And it's not like I'm showing off my waist and anyone would even know the difference. [Judge me, I dare you, because I would probably judge you for squishing yourself back into real jeans too soon.]  Either way, I'm into real people jeans again. 

Which takes a lot of stress off. I lost all of my baby weight within 2 weeks of having Henry, and I am currently 5lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight. But when I went to buy jeans two weeks ago, I was only fitting into pants 2 sizes up. It was absolutely discouraging. I literally got hives on my neck while mulling through the aisles at target and having to swallow my pride with the dressing room lady as I made 4 trips in and out with new sizes. I couldn't understand because the weight was gone. Well, it so happens that a baby making his way through my body into the world eff'd with my hips. Making them as wide as a six lane highway. I'm surprised we didnt need to purchase a second seat on the plane just for me and my hips. [Oh yeah, airplane, we had our first family vacation...awesome. I'll probably post very soon with far too many pictures]

Well the good news is, the hips are moving back all on their own, and I'm back to fitting in my old jeans. You can now all rest easy, I have been made 2% more tolerable with the world now that my biggest worry has been lifted. Don't get me wrong, I'm still an unfiltered, impulsive, judgmental and hormonal momma. And I'm sort of okay with that. I've got my people, thats all I need.

Risks and Rewards

Henry has been doing this awesome thing where he sleeps through the night. And I'm talking, 7 hours straight, wakes up to eat, and then another 3 hours. Yes, I know, we are very lucky. We actually have dreams at night now, which I guess doesnt happen if you dont sleep more than an hour in a row. Oh to dream again...

With the arrival of these new sleeping patterns comes a consequence. It was too good to be true. Let's just say, Henry isn't pooping at night anymore because he is sleeping so well, so his first poop of the day is usually around noon. You'll understand the significance of the whole no-night-pooping and first-poop-at-noon thing once I share with you an experience I won't ever forget.

Last week we decided to take Henry to lunch with us to meet up with a good friend who, after 10 weeks, had yet to meet our little dude. We're enjoying our lunch at Sharkeys, seriously delicious nachos, when Henry spits up a little bit while James is holding him. Henry is getting really fussy and James notices that both of their shirts are wet, we figure it's from the spit up and possibly that he peed out his diaper. So James and I bring the diaper bag to the 1-person bathroom to change his diaper and clothes. The bathroom doesn't have one of the baby changing tables. Ugh. I bite the bullet and we decide to use our changing mat and put it on the floor...my poor child, so close to this disgusting bathroom floor. But we had no other option. We unbutton his romper and what we find is poop all over his little body. Up his back almost to his neck, on his tummy, and on his legs. It was absolutely insane. We looked at eachother like we were about to go skydiving -- a look of disbelief. Is this really happening? Can I bail on this whole situation right now? -- 

We get the outfit off, and as we pull it over his head more poop is getting smeared onto his body. We are being extremely generous with our wipe usage, getting him cleaned up, getting ourselves cleaned up, all the while a damn fly keeps buzzing around my kids bare, poopy butt. Poor child. And whoever said that newborns poop doesnt smell...that's got to be some sort of a myth. After ten minutes of James and I fumbling around trying to get this situation cleaned up, keeping Henry from squirming off of the changing mat onto the horrible bathroom floor, swatting away the fiesty flies, we emerged. Stronger than we entered. With images we won't ever forget...not only because they were so...unhumanely, but because the same thing happened the two days following.

The moral of the story is...when you don't poop at night, and your first poop is at noon, the mass of the poop being expelled, and the force with which it is being expelled, leads to some unbelievable velocity. Because I think that is what physics says happens...and because I am grasping to any last remnants of intelligence left in my mushy mom brain.

This is the sweet, sweet face that made that monstrosity of a blow out.

Henry Benjamin's Birthday

 Let’s start with the end in mind. Henry Benjamin was born July 21^st, though coming nearly two weeks before his due date, he arrived at a healthy 7lbs 14oz and 20 ¾” long.

At my 37 week appointment, my doctor examined me and found that I was 3cm dialated. I was of course surprised, as I had yet to feel any contractions of any kind throughout the pregnancy. A week later at my 38 week appointment, I was at 5cm dialated, again without feeling any contractions. My doctor felt certain she would see us at the hospital before my next appointment. And she was right!

Friday, at about 6:00pm I started feeling pain in my back. I initially dismissed it as back spasms, because I had always heard contraction felt like bad menstrual cramps, but these pains were all in my lower back. At about 6:30pm James insisted I start keeping track of the pains, how long they lasted and how far apart they were. By 7:15pm we were headed to the hospital! During the entire drive the back pains, which I now know were contractions, were 2.5 minutes apart and lasting about 40 seconds. They were pretty intense, but we stayed in good spirits, singing and dancing in the car. We arrived at the hospital, by 8:15pm and after being examined, I was already at 7cm dialated. They were all very surprised I was still on my feet. I guess I got lucky!

After the initial exams, and procedures we got the epidural started. It took 3 attempts to get it placed correctly – ouch! But it was amazing how I no longer felt contractions, oh sweet relief…for the time being that was. A couple of hours later I was at 9cm dialated, they broke my water, but the baby was still too high so we had to wait. Once the water broke, the most bizarre thing happened. I started feeling the contractions – in all of their intensity – in my right butt cheek. It was so strange (and painful). It turns out the baby must have been on my sciatica nerve. There was nothing they could do, the epidural had no effect and I had to experience every contraction – through my right butt cheek. After an hour of practice pushing,the baby was now low enough for my doctor to come and get this baby delivered! At 2am I then had to push for nearly 2 hours! It was exhausting, and incredibly daunting.

The second the baby was out and they laid him on my stomach I balled, I heard his first cry and I screamed. I was overwhelmed with love and relief and amazement. Here was our baby. Here was the crazy little dude that was stirring inside of me not long ago. He was real, and I could see him and feel him. It is an absolutely indescribable feeling.

There we were, after, meeting Henry Benjamin for the first time. He came out as an incredibly beautiful, healthy, strong baby and we couldn’t be more grateful! We spent two days in the hospital and couldn’t wait to head home. 

I could not have gotten through this pregnancy without my husband. The most amazing man on this planet, who with all of his love and support and certainty and vision, kept me sane, healthy, and positive. He is my bestfriend and was the greatest partner during labor and delivery, and is already a wonderful dad. 

So here we are, The Coopers, with our own little family. 

As most new parents can attest to, we are seeing all of the funny little quirks that our little dude has to offer, our iphones are already full of pictures of him, and we are completely in love.

Little Dude's Nursery

I have hit the point in the pregnancy, 37 weeks along, where I feel like I am just sitting here waiting for little dude to arrive. The nursery is done, bags are packed, house is clean, and my to do list is almost all checked off. So I figured I'd post up some pictures of the nursery...keep in mind...that I am far too scatter brained to put together a whole room from start to finish in a cohesive and designer-y way. Our vision was simple, bright, and happy and we are really pleased with how it turned out :)

The big picture. 

The walls are Bahaman Sea Blue, lots of energy, and we just loved it. We then wanted to use accents of yellow, orange, green, and maybe a touch of pink.

I got these awesome animal prints from, Alley Kids, on Etsy.

I absolutely love these little guys by Jelly Cat. Super soft, corduroy material.

Rocking Chair from Ikea, Colorful Chevron Curtains from Urban Outfitters

Bookshelf from Ikea, wonderfully assembled and secured to the wall by James!

Contents include a beautiful music box from Hawaii from my sister and little dude's first comic books - Avengers, Iron Man, and Captain America. 

Again, Dresser from Ikea wonderfully built and secured to the wall by James!

Diaper & Supply Caddy from 3Sprouts

Nightlight by Boon

On either side of the changing table:

Storage Bins by 3Sprouts, which we are using for blankets & toys and the other for dirty clothes.

Wooden word signs that I painted, which are more for us than little dude, especially during those late night diaper changings.

An amazing quilt that our awesome friend, MrsNipperKnapp , made for little dude.

A view into the crib at the white fluffy bear that my parents got for me just before I was born. 

Yes, an artifact of my beginnings. 

And that's that. The nursery, in it's near completion - we still need to find a rug - just sitting there waiting for baby to arrive. I sit there sometimes, in the rocking chair looking around and talking to my own belly, and (heck I may just get sentimental here) I feel so incredibly grateful and excited for our little guy to arrive. James and I are both already so in love with him, and can't wait to meet him on the outside. I think I may be getting to that mom-point where even if he is funny looking I'll think he's the most beautiful thing in the world, and even if he poops or pees on me I will laugh and even though I will be (and already am) exhausted I will smile. 

Come On Down!

A couple of weeks ago, just after James & I had been watching The Price is Right, I received an email announcing a taping of The Price is Right for expectant mothers. Of course, in our post TPIR "we would have won the showcase showdown" high, we were immediately sold on the idea and I reserved two tickets.

This is when my research began. I wanted to know what I was in for. How they selected the contestants? What is the whole taping process like? Based on what I read, they do group interviews with the producer and he selects people that he think would be good for the show, throughout the show, they continue to watch the people they've narrowed it down to, and make selections as the show goes on. I was ready to bring my A-game. Smile, personality, charisma, jokes. Yes, I can do this! I am totally good at first impressions. I'm guessing every lady there felt the same way. 

So our taping was at 1pm on Monday, they ask you to arrive at 8:30am and suggest you get there around 7:00am to guarantee you get a place for the taping. We waited in the outdoor line for about an hour and a half. A couple hundred pregnant women, standing in a line at 7:00am. That is the power of TPIR. We then moved into the first holding area where we received our #s, IDs are checked, name tags are written and pictures are taken. You then move into holding area #2 where you wait for your turn in the group interviews. We eavesdropped on the other group interviews and the producer was fantastic at his job. Made people comfortable, made them laugh, asked questions. It came to our group and he simply went through and asked what we do and then he moved on to the next group. What? Yeah...seemed rather uninterested, it was then that I accepted that I would not have a chance at being chosen. What happened? I smiled, I (attempted) to use my charm. And my husband had even got up at 4am that morning to make me a funny t-shirt to wear. It said "Drew, it's YOUR baby!" Yeah, my husband is pretty awesome. Then I figured, if I look half as tired as I feel, I probably wouldn't have picked me either. Moving on..

We waited in line to check in our cell phones and waited in holding area #3 for another couple of hours. Here they had TVs with episodes of the show and we were able to buy food and snacks. Thank goodness! The downside was that there were only 2 bathroom stalls -- meaning each time one of us pregnant ladies had to pee, we had to wait in line for atleast 15 minutes. Logistically, having all of us there was a bit of a stretch. 

Next we finally got to take our seats in the studio! It was so neat to walk into, very retro, just like on TV. Except so much smaller than I imagined! The camera people are great at what they do because it's like an illusion. The audience section on TV looks much bigger, but it's actually quite small and snug. The stage is also smaller than I had pictured, because in between each game or prize, the set changes and pieces move in and out to make it fit whatever is next. Drew talked to the audience during each break between sets and he's really funny, mostly because he thinks he's funny. Always ends up laughing at his own jokes before he even says them. 

The show was alot of fun, and all of us in the audience received a giveaway worth $300 courtesy of TheBump.com. Got a super cute Adan + Anais swaddle blanket and mum & bub cream, a diaper pail, Gift Cards to Motherhood and Pediped and other goodies. 

All in all, it was fun, but it tested every last ounce of patience, energy, and bladder control that I have. Arriving at 7:00am and getting out of the show around 3:00pm. I'm probably never going to do that again...

The show airs October 25th, in case anyone wants to see it and to search me out in the crowd to see what awkward faces they undoubtably caught me with. I think my boobs were in most of the bidding shots as we were only three rows back behind contestants row. 

Here we go, 35 weeks! Wondering if the child is going to be as much of a beast as we've somehow imagined him to be...this being typed as he simultaneously hiccups on my bladder and kicks my ribs. 

Birth Class, Smirth Class. Help me!

It's taken me a couple of weeks, but now, after coming to terms with what I experienced in our first two birth classes, I am ready to share. As we arrived at the first class, we sat in the room with eight other couples, I was sweating and my heart was racing. I think the fact that I knew I would soon be facing the truth about having to get this child out of me, struck me with fear. It's easy to ignore the inevitable labor and delivery process of pregnancy, that is until you attend a birth class. 

Us with 6 Weeks to go!

The teacher started with some questions about what we think we can do when we are in a painful or stressful situation. My husband, who out of nowhere became a star student, answered with "Breathing." The first and only person to volunteer an answer, and an answer that the teacher liked. I mumbled to him, "swearing." I tend to reconnect with my smart-ass nature when in a school/classroom setting. When no one else volunteered with answers, James shouts out, "My wife says swearing." Thanks babe. 

Apparently that answer wasn't what she was looking for, so she changed it to "vocalizations." Well it works for me...if I am in a painful or stressful situation, swearing is my go-to on dealing with it. Anyway, moving on. We now had to watch many labor/birth videos, all of which I believe were without medication and pain killers. Which is absolutely frightening and uncomfortable. I respect everyone's individual choices, and I am not ashamed to say that I will be welcoming the drugs. Throughout the videos my heart was racing, my vision was blurred, I truly felt as if I might pass out. 

Everyone talks about how beautiful the birthing process is. And I hate to be the only person on this planet who, after watching these videos, does not fully align with that sentiment. I am amazed and in awe that my body and my babies body knows exactly what to do; throughout the pregnancy and the labor/delivery. And yes it is a miracle, a biological wonder, a perfected process that all falls into place. But I have yet to watch a birthing video and felt that it was beautiful. The women look miserable, the baby coming out is quite frightening and alien-esque, and the goop is abundant. But don't get me wrong, the second they set the baby on the mom and the parents are so excited, I tear up and realize that it is all worth it. That is the beautiful part. Being able to hold the child you've only felt from the inside and only seen through an ultra sound. That will be our magic moment. 

Handsome Little Dude smiling and laughing already. 

Luckily my husband and I are pretty much on the same page with it all. He doesnt want to see what's going on and will stay at the head of the bed with me. He doesnt want to cut the umbilical chord, see the baby crown, or check out the placenta. Much like I don't want a mirror or video camera facing my lady parts. One of the birth videos in our second class, showed the husband catching and pulling the baby out, to which James immediately leans over and whispers, "Hell no, I'm not doing that! Leaving that to the experts." It was surprising, it looked like the dad was going to pull the kids head off and if that happened, that would be a serious mood killer. 

A part of me feels like I rather just roll with the punches. The kid is coming out one way or another and I feel like I am being over prepared. It is quite overwhelming and I have found myself dizzy and out of breath while watching the labor and birth videos. I've made sure to bookmark the page in our birth class book about what to do when a laboring mom panics. Yes, this may be applicable to me and James has already memorized the column about what the partner can do to help. 

We've got six weeks until our super little dude's due date and we are getting more and more excited each day. He moves around like crazy, and my stomach is growing at an i-just-ate-a-cake-and-didnt-share-it kind of pace. Well, that's the way it feels at least. 

Pregnancy in all it's glory: Stretch Marks

The day has come. The day I thought that I, for whatever reason, would be lucky enough to avoid. That’s right…my first belly stretch marks appeared, seemingly overnight. This was momentous. A swift kick in the butt (or belly even) to reengage me with the reality that I am simply no longer in control. I have spent months rubbing the stretch mark lotions into my belly, TWICE a day! Even so, I must have hit the tipping point where my magic lotions are no longer more powerful than the growth of the childbeast inside of me.

And so it happened, I looked in the mirror and saw it, three little lines on the underside of my belly. I panicked, my husband laughed, my mom reassured me, and I became a ridiculous picture of anxiety. There is no turning back now, 10 more weeks until our due date, and I am surely going to keep on expanding.

Ode to my belly of past: 

Oh smooth belly, how I will miss you. You served us well, and the sacrifices you are now making will never be forgotten or taken for granted. You have carried a child who has tested your strength and elasticity. You have been kicked from the inside, stretched out, and your belly button is no longer hidden but revealed to the world. I thank you for setting your pride aside, and for hanging in there for 30 weeks as we, together, have grown. Be strong in this final stretch, we are almost there. I promise you one day, I will again do sit ups, eat wisely, and return you to near-original condition. Thank you. 

End of ode.

I’m sorry you had to witness that. I blame it on the hormones. 

And i'll have you know, those weren't my first stretch marks, just my first belly ones. Where else have I, as a pregnant woman, grown so much as to have experienced stretch marks? My boobs. That’s right, they were the first thing to grow and become an anatomical miracle. The stretch marks appeared before I knew what was happening and the magic lotions simply came to late. They are now the signs of my true womanhood, yes each and every stretch marks a day, week, or month that has passed where my boobs have continued to grow. A reminder of what is to come and what I have been through. My war stories even. And still, I look to the end and cannot wait for our medal of honor to arrive, the little dude that will somehow find his way out of my you-know-what and make all of the stretch marks, sickness, and hormones worth it.

Complaints these are not, realizations they are.

1. I am no longer in control of my body

2. Some pretty unexplainable things are happening and it still freaks me out

3. A baby will, very soon, be moving from my insides to the outside

4. I cant sweat the small stuff, but I can cry over it

5. The stomach growls and grumbles are not my child speaking to me

                   

This is what keeps me going.

what's with guys and long hair

Um has any one seen Jason Mraz lately? Yeah probably not because he looks completely different than he did last year. He's gotten all, earthy and grubby and long haired.

He went from.. Yes!

To...oh no!

But, hey his new song is amazing and that's why I like him! Let alone the fact that I walked down the aisle at our wedding to one of his songs. Still, this look is not pardoned.


But really, I guess it's just not my thing, the whole long hair on men thing.
 I mean, really Fabio? 

Or Kid Rock...

I get it, some are debatable. Johnny Depp, Rafael Nadal, and well, the list isn't long. Anyone I've missed? Any attractive long haired men?

You'd think guys would hate the maintenance of long hair...washing it, drying it, brushing it. And to me, there is something very unusual about a guy standing in front of the mirror with a hair brush, untangling his long locks. And I can't help but wonder, what are you trying to hide? Do you have a weird neck? Or ears...maybe it's their ears...something so awful about them that they chose to hide them under their long manes of hair. Hmm...my long hair cynicism has just ballooned. 

Again, to each his own, and it truly doesn't matter what I think because I'm already spoken for which I think automatically voids all my snarky opinions about men. 

the best bananas ever

View from our room. Manzanillo, Mexico

Considering the fact that we didn't do anything for our birthdays in January because I was too busy feeling terrible, and that there will come a point in the pregnancy that I can't or won't want to fly or travel, we planned ourselves a little babymoon..like a honeymoon..get it? Yeah...I've been on too many pregnancy websites.

So we traveled to Manzanillo, Mexico for 5 days of having absolutely nothing that we had to do. It was fantastic. No doctor appointments, no stock market, no chores, nothing. And so we fully embraced this freedom to do...nothing. Well, not nothing exactly, we did a lot of eating, laying out by the pool and beach, reading, swimming, napping. It was perfect. A last hurrah before our little guy arrives this summer. 

Me at 22 Weeks

Speaking of the little guy, he has become extremely active! Particularly between 10pm-11pm. James can feel big kicks and movements when he puts his hand on my belly. This kid is like 1lb right now, I cant imagine the fury of his kicks at 7lbs! It's been fun though, I love having that reminder, all throughout the day and right before bed of our amazing little dude that we get to meet very soon! 

So Manzanillo is an awesome city, lot's of agriculture like farms with jalapenos and fruit and they have the absolute best bananas I have ever had...ever. It's also the safest city in all of Mexico, everyone is very nice and the weather was 80 degrees each day and now I have a nice little tan. 

We decided to both read Hunger Games on our Kindles before seeing the movie this week, and we finished it in a matter of three days while we laid out by the pool. And I am already a quarter of the way through the next book. Oh, and I am Team Peeta. Yeah I said it. I must be a hopeless romantic. Anyone else think it's funny he's a baker's son and his name is Peeta (sounds like pita..like pita pockets..which is bread..which a baker makes...okay  maybe its a stretch.)

So that's been Week 22 of the pregnancy. And I can't believe there's less than 17 weeks to go. 

Sudsy To-Dos

You know you're life is wonderful when the installation of your brand new dishwasher makes you (and even your husband) gitty! That's us. This morning a short, smelly - Jackie Chan doppleganger - little man came in and got rid of our broken dishwasher. It's been broken since we moved in -- first it was as loud as a freight train, it would overheat and not release water and the soap compartment wouldnt open. All grumbles aside, out with the old and in came our beautiful, quiet, newest kitchen friend which will make our lives so much easier. 

Clean dishes for all! 

Jet Dry? Uh yes, please! 

And I get my counter tops back..no more dishes laid out on towels drying.

I told my husband I would consider this my "push gift." Who needs jewelry, Mrs. Cooper has got herself a new dishwasher! 

I feel like we've finally kicked our "to-do" list into full gear.

Get Dishwasher [CHECK]

Build Desk & Shelves for Downstairs Nook [HALF CHECK-post soon]

Clear out Office [HALF CHECK]

Organize Closet [CHECK]

Get Bedroom, Bathroom Painted

Get Nursery Planned, painted, furnished, decorated [PLANNED CHECK -post soon]

Futon for James Office

Pick out a baby name

Do Pregnancy Yoga

Go to the DMV [APPT TOMORROW - CHECK]

Sign up for Childbirth Class

Get a pedicure

Learn to Sew

Drop off at Goodwill 

Make husband delicious dinner

It seems like it just keeps getting longer

... (that's what she said!) 

Sorry, couldnt help myself.

Oh yeah..forgot to mention..there's a baby in my belly.

'Tis so. 

The Coops are procreating, and a powerful and super creation we expect it to be. Now, at nearly 17 weeks along, the guilt and empty hole of bloglessness has set in. I'll give you the short of the long, or at least I'll attempt to do so as I encapsulate the new, crazy, challenging, and amazing bits of the adventure thus far.

We found out in late November, well I found out and absolutely melted with excitement when sharing with the Mr., that we would be welcoming a baby into our lives this summer. And so it began, the endless thoughts, dreams, lists, ideas, wonders of what was to come...for the rest of our lives. 

At week 5 my personal living hell began. But, with the most amazing husband and family to support me in positive thoughts, I was constantly reminded, through the puking and misery, that this meant it was a strong pregnancy. Extra hormones helping baby to grow. 

DiRuscio's on Christmas

Christmas with Mr Coop

Eatin' Candy Hike

Sugar Bowl at Super Dome NOLA

I got a brief and unexpected ten day relief from the sickness from Christmas Eve through the New Year, allowing me to enjoy a hike with friends, the holidays with the family, our first doctor appointment hearing the strong heartbeat of our little monkey, and our trip to New Orleans for the Sugar Bowl.

 And suddenly it returned, though all my hopes were that it had forever passed. Another 5 weeks of throwing up, exhaustion, and overall ickyness. Waiting for that day everyone talked about, where everything was suddenly better, while also fearing it would NEVER go away. And then it happened...the day before I was 14 weeks along. I no longer wanted to stay in bed all day. I no longer dreaded eating. I no longer threw up. What?! It had passed, it was fantastic. 

And well, that pretty much brings us to now. I am about 17 weeks along, I haven't thrown up in three weeks, I have a little bit more energy, and I have just gotten back to my pre-pregnancy weight (lost a bit in the first trimester with all the sickness). Oh yeah, and at our last appointment we found out that we are having a boy! Pretty sweet deal, we are over the moon excited and already love our little dude so much. 

I have a slight baby bump, but it's the at the awkward cant-tell-if-it's-a-pouch-or-baby-bump phase, so I try to do that pregnant lady thing where I rest my hand on it every once in a while to signify that it's my baby in there, not my lunch. Because I'm neurotic. Or ridiculous for even caring that I look slightly bloated. Even though I know that I am growing a freaking human being in my body! It's absolutely mind blowing, and strange, and amazing. 

Way too many stories to share, or things I've experienced. Here's just a few new realities I am faced with. 

1. "Oops I just peed a little" is no longer a joke to express how hard you just laughed. No, it's life. Real life. A sneeze, cough, or laugh does it. That along with having to pee every 30 minutes leaves me with a new awareness of where the nearest bathroom is at all times.

2. I would not be alive if it weren't for my awesome husband. My first trimester left me in bed ALL day, except when my head was in the toilet. I was weak, tired, sick, and generally an absolute mess. He would bring me food, he would go to work, he would wash dishes, he wouldn't judge me for not showering for days on end, he didnt get grossed out when I threw up into plastic bags while we were in the car - every time, he listened when I had emotional breakdowns. I am forever grateful for his patience, strength, and power to make me laugh through the tears and smile through the struggle. Couldn't have a better partner in life, seriously amazed by this man.

3. There is no longer any space in my mind for thoughts other than the baby's clothes, the baby's nursery, the baby's health, the baby's arrival, all the fun things we have planned to do with our baby, etc, etc. We talk to my stomach to the baby. He seriously is already the center of our world. It's crazy the instincts that kick in and the mushy love stuff that inevitably just appears when you have a baby on the way. 

8.1.12