Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Let's be real

I don't drink shakes because I get frustrated having to suck the shake through the straw. I hate traffic, not being able to go anywhere makes me feel trapped and anxious. I cannot stand that our gate clicker takes too long to react, having to click the button five times sucks.  People, well people, I cannot stand some alot most of them. Waiting for an elevator at the Beverly Center for over 10 minutes makes me want to get in my car and leave. Myself. My lack of follow through and procrastination, that is horribly obnoxious. Baby stores that aren't stroller friendly are just ridiculous. And don't even get me started on good looking people. This is where I get my hyper energy. It's all these things bumbling around. 

And with all of this there is still a part of me that is a dreamer, a positive thinker, an idealist. I want that little home with a small yard where we would have picnics, an open kitchen where Henry can sit on the counter and help me make cookies, a neighborhood that we can take a stroll around in the evening, a place to start our own family traditions. Yes, all of this is there beneath the grump. The thing is...when I'm with my people. You know, the people who cut through all of that. The people who get you, who don't judge you for all of the above, who are real, who embrace exactly how you are. Yeah them. When I'm with my people, I am always happy, content in being present with what is. 
So as ugly of a picture as I paint of my moods -- you try having a baby and having serious hormone chaos -- anyway, as ugly as I make it seem, you'd never know. I'm kind to people, all of my ugly is on the inside, well sometimes I let it on the outside but don't realize it until James points out that hiding my emotions isn't a strong suit and that lady may have seen that I think her furry -- as in mink furry -- ankle boots are some kind of terrible. But most of all this unstable, crazy is happening inside.  I don't mind it. I dont want to "fix" it. My stress, impatience, anxiousness, frustration. I've learned to accept it. But not in a settling kind of way, more of a...realist kind of way. My life is amazing, I have my people, and that's seriously the most important thing. All of the other stuff, the crazy, well that's just a part of what makes me Me. 

So that this doesn't seem like simple ramblings from an uncentered human being, I'll say the moral is to accept you - entirely - and to find your people. Keep your people close and be free in what you feel. 

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