Saturday, April 14, 2012

Pregnant lady; the science experiement

The moment I found out I was pregnant, I was struck with fear. Not for the fact of having a child on the way, that was one thing we were absolutely certain about. I was struck with fear of the unknown. I had no idea what pregnancy was going to be like. From the outside, it seemed pretty miserable; morning sickness, grow giant belly, push baby out through an inconceivable place. 

So, naturally, I immediately started perusing the pregnancy websites. Bad idea. This puts no one at ease about what may lay ahead. Why, at 24 weeks pregnant, am I now bringing this up? Because I feel quite fortunate. I get a weekly update about how big baby might be right now, what piece of produce he most represents based on his size, and lastly, a list of possible current symptoms. Week after week, I have felt very lucky to not have experienced some of these possible symptoms. 

Now back to week 4, the moment you know you are pregnant and start googling like crazy to get as much information about what is to come as possible. You see the expected things, weight gain, nausea, aches and pains, etc. But as each week passes you get the more specific symptoms in the handy little update. 

In retrospect, maybe I've earned good pregnancy karma to make up for the fact that I spent 2 months throwing up three times a day, because ever since week 15, things have been pretty smooth sailing. I am fighting the urge to think that saying this may jinx my good fortune, but, in my pregnancy haze and disillusion I fight the urge to add paranoia to my own collection of symptoms. 

Current and recent symptoms listed on websites:

Swollen Feet: not on these legs they arent, my toes may be a little chubby, but that's how they've always been. My mom says they are cute, that's good enough for me.

Swollen/Bleeding Gums: no way! Just had my dental cleaning two days ago and they were very impressed with my healthy gums.

Back Aches: occasionally, but each morning I wake up with a new start and no back ache. Nothing a little laying down can't help.

Stretch Marks: nothing yet, though this one may be inevitable as the little dude continues to grow.

Vaginal Discharge (awesome, right?): no sign of this one either, and thank goodness for that. And don't get me wrong, I get that they all serve a purpose and what not, my immaturity doesn't lack perspective, but boy doesn't this list make a pregnant woman seem like some kind of science experiment gone wrong.

Heartburn: ever so slightly does it occur after eating certain things. Nothing a good tums cant help.

Leaky Boobs: not yet, and frankly when it does happen, I am sure I will be quite amazed that these things on my chest are no longer an accessory for v-neck shirts, but instead are a biological miracle.

Constipation leading to Hemmerhoids: and this is exactly why I wrote this post. Because I have not, and am determined not to let this happen. I know, I know, maybe further along it will be out of my hands but for the time being, I have a steadfast rule that I have committed to with my husband. The rule is as follows, "I will not push a poo." Yep, I said it. Luckily, I haven't had to face being stopped up, but the rule will hold strong for the next 14 weeks. Hell, for my whole life even. I'll probably teach it to my kid. It is catchy after all. Plus, if I've got the time, I might as well grab a book and let nature take its course. No sense in making matters worse. At this stage in my pregnancy, that's as wise and full of advice I will get. Remember, don't push a poo.

And that's that ladies and gentleman. In my own round about way, I send out gratitude for sparing me these discomforts. And I in no way mean to discourage or put fear into those who aren't yet pregnant. I have learned that there are a lot of extreme things posted everywhere online to "inform" you, but it's rare that you end up getting the worst of it all. My own list of symptoms includes needing help putting on and pulling off my boots, having to be helped up from the seated position, and a crazy little baby kicking my insides for 90% of the day. 

All hail pregnant ladies.

In honor of easter. Me, Dad, Sister circa '94

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