Hips Don't Lie

Finally back into pants that have buttons and zippers. Not that I'm all that excited. I have an open stance on making it socially acceptable to wear maternity - aka elastic waisted - pants at all times. Not because I want to gain 300lbs and forget about my middriff's well being, but because it is SO comfortable..and convenient for that matter. You dont have to button or zip and when you've got a crying baby, being able to pee in a flash is highly sought after. And it's not like I'm showing off my waist and anyone would even know the difference. [Judge me, I dare you, because I would probably judge you for squishing yourself back into real jeans too soon.]  Either way, I'm into real people jeans again. 

Which takes a lot of stress off. I lost all of my baby weight within 2 weeks of having Henry, and I am currently 5lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight. But when I went to buy jeans two weeks ago, I was only fitting into pants 2 sizes up. It was absolutely discouraging. I literally got hives on my neck while mulling through the aisles at target and having to swallow my pride with the dressing room lady as I made 4 trips in and out with new sizes. I couldn't understand because the weight was gone. Well, it so happens that a baby making his way through my body into the world eff'd with my hips. Making them as wide as a six lane highway. I'm surprised we didnt need to purchase a second seat on the plane just for me and my hips. [Oh yeah, airplane, we had our first family vacation...awesome. I'll probably post very soon with far too many pictures]

Well the good news is, the hips are moving back all on their own, and I'm back to fitting in my old jeans. You can now all rest easy, I have been made 2% more tolerable with the world now that my biggest worry has been lifted. Don't get me wrong, I'm still an unfiltered, impulsive, judgmental and hormonal momma. And I'm sort of okay with that. I've got my people, thats all I need.

Come On Down!

A couple of weeks ago, just after James & I had been watching The Price is Right, I received an email announcing a taping of The Price is Right for expectant mothers. Of course, in our post TPIR "we would have won the showcase showdown" high, we were immediately sold on the idea and I reserved two tickets.

This is when my research began. I wanted to know what I was in for. How they selected the contestants? What is the whole taping process like? Based on what I read, they do group interviews with the producer and he selects people that he think would be good for the show, throughout the show, they continue to watch the people they've narrowed it down to, and make selections as the show goes on. I was ready to bring my A-game. Smile, personality, charisma, jokes. Yes, I can do this! I am totally good at first impressions. I'm guessing every lady there felt the same way. 

So our taping was at 1pm on Monday, they ask you to arrive at 8:30am and suggest you get there around 7:00am to guarantee you get a place for the taping. We waited in the outdoor line for about an hour and a half. A couple hundred pregnant women, standing in a line at 7:00am. That is the power of TPIR. We then moved into the first holding area where we received our #s, IDs are checked, name tags are written and pictures are taken. You then move into holding area #2 where you wait for your turn in the group interviews. We eavesdropped on the other group interviews and the producer was fantastic at his job. Made people comfortable, made them laugh, asked questions. It came to our group and he simply went through and asked what we do and then he moved on to the next group. What? Yeah...seemed rather uninterested, it was then that I accepted that I would not have a chance at being chosen. What happened? I smiled, I (attempted) to use my charm. And my husband had even got up at 4am that morning to make me a funny t-shirt to wear. It said "Drew, it's YOUR baby!" Yeah, my husband is pretty awesome. Then I figured, if I look half as tired as I feel, I probably wouldn't have picked me either. Moving on..

We waited in line to check in our cell phones and waited in holding area #3 for another couple of hours. Here they had TVs with episodes of the show and we were able to buy food and snacks. Thank goodness! The downside was that there were only 2 bathroom stalls -- meaning each time one of us pregnant ladies had to pee, we had to wait in line for atleast 15 minutes. Logistically, having all of us there was a bit of a stretch. 

Next we finally got to take our seats in the studio! It was so neat to walk into, very retro, just like on TV. Except so much smaller than I imagined! The camera people are great at what they do because it's like an illusion. The audience section on TV looks much bigger, but it's actually quite small and snug. The stage is also smaller than I had pictured, because in between each game or prize, the set changes and pieces move in and out to make it fit whatever is next. Drew talked to the audience during each break between sets and he's really funny, mostly because he thinks he's funny. Always ends up laughing at his own jokes before he even says them. 

The show was alot of fun, and all of us in the audience received a giveaway worth $300 courtesy of TheBump.com. Got a super cute Adan + Anais swaddle blanket and mum & bub cream, a diaper pail, Gift Cards to Motherhood and Pediped and other goodies. 

All in all, it was fun, but it tested every last ounce of patience, energy, and bladder control that I have. Arriving at 7:00am and getting out of the show around 3:00pm. I'm probably never going to do that again...

The show airs October 25th, in case anyone wants to see it and to search me out in the crowd to see what awkward faces they undoubtably caught me with. I think my boobs were in most of the bidding shots as we were only three rows back behind contestants row. 

Here we go, 35 weeks! Wondering if the child is going to be as much of a beast as we've somehow imagined him to be...this being typed as he simultaneously hiccups on my bladder and kicks my ribs. 

Birth Class, Smirth Class. Help me!

It's taken me a couple of weeks, but now, after coming to terms with what I experienced in our first two birth classes, I am ready to share. As we arrived at the first class, we sat in the room with eight other couples, I was sweating and my heart was racing. I think the fact that I knew I would soon be facing the truth about having to get this child out of me, struck me with fear. It's easy to ignore the inevitable labor and delivery process of pregnancy, that is until you attend a birth class. 

Us with 6 Weeks to go!

The teacher started with some questions about what we think we can do when we are in a painful or stressful situation. My husband, who out of nowhere became a star student, answered with "Breathing." The first and only person to volunteer an answer, and an answer that the teacher liked. I mumbled to him, "swearing." I tend to reconnect with my smart-ass nature when in a school/classroom setting. When no one else volunteered with answers, James shouts out, "My wife says swearing." Thanks babe. 

Apparently that answer wasn't what she was looking for, so she changed it to "vocalizations." Well it works for me...if I am in a painful or stressful situation, swearing is my go-to on dealing with it. Anyway, moving on. We now had to watch many labor/birth videos, all of which I believe were without medication and pain killers. Which is absolutely frightening and uncomfortable. I respect everyone's individual choices, and I am not ashamed to say that I will be welcoming the drugs. Throughout the videos my heart was racing, my vision was blurred, I truly felt as if I might pass out. 

Everyone talks about how beautiful the birthing process is. And I hate to be the only person on this planet who, after watching these videos, does not fully align with that sentiment. I am amazed and in awe that my body and my babies body knows exactly what to do; throughout the pregnancy and the labor/delivery. And yes it is a miracle, a biological wonder, a perfected process that all falls into place. But I have yet to watch a birthing video and felt that it was beautiful. The women look miserable, the baby coming out is quite frightening and alien-esque, and the goop is abundant. But don't get me wrong, the second they set the baby on the mom and the parents are so excited, I tear up and realize that it is all worth it. That is the beautiful part. Being able to hold the child you've only felt from the inside and only seen through an ultra sound. That will be our magic moment. 

Handsome Little Dude smiling and laughing already. 

Luckily my husband and I are pretty much on the same page with it all. He doesnt want to see what's going on and will stay at the head of the bed with me. He doesnt want to cut the umbilical chord, see the baby crown, or check out the placenta. Much like I don't want a mirror or video camera facing my lady parts. One of the birth videos in our second class, showed the husband catching and pulling the baby out, to which James immediately leans over and whispers, "Hell no, I'm not doing that! Leaving that to the experts." It was surprising, it looked like the dad was going to pull the kids head off and if that happened, that would be a serious mood killer. 

A part of me feels like I rather just roll with the punches. The kid is coming out one way or another and I feel like I am being over prepared. It is quite overwhelming and I have found myself dizzy and out of breath while watching the labor and birth videos. I've made sure to bookmark the page in our birth class book about what to do when a laboring mom panics. Yes, this may be applicable to me and James has already memorized the column about what the partner can do to help. 

We've got six weeks until our super little dude's due date and we are getting more and more excited each day. He moves around like crazy, and my stomach is growing at an i-just-ate-a-cake-and-didnt-share-it kind of pace. Well, that's the way it feels at least. 

Pregnancy in all it's glory: Stretch Marks

The day has come. The day I thought that I, for whatever reason, would be lucky enough to avoid. That’s right…my first belly stretch marks appeared, seemingly overnight. This was momentous. A swift kick in the butt (or belly even) to reengage me with the reality that I am simply no longer in control. I have spent months rubbing the stretch mark lotions into my belly, TWICE a day! Even so, I must have hit the tipping point where my magic lotions are no longer more powerful than the growth of the childbeast inside of me.

And so it happened, I looked in the mirror and saw it, three little lines on the underside of my belly. I panicked, my husband laughed, my mom reassured me, and I became a ridiculous picture of anxiety. There is no turning back now, 10 more weeks until our due date, and I am surely going to keep on expanding.

Ode to my belly of past: 

Oh smooth belly, how I will miss you. You served us well, and the sacrifices you are now making will never be forgotten or taken for granted. You have carried a child who has tested your strength and elasticity. You have been kicked from the inside, stretched out, and your belly button is no longer hidden but revealed to the world. I thank you for setting your pride aside, and for hanging in there for 30 weeks as we, together, have grown. Be strong in this final stretch, we are almost there. I promise you one day, I will again do sit ups, eat wisely, and return you to near-original condition. Thank you. 

End of ode.

I’m sorry you had to witness that. I blame it on the hormones. 

And i'll have you know, those weren't my first stretch marks, just my first belly ones. Where else have I, as a pregnant woman, grown so much as to have experienced stretch marks? My boobs. That’s right, they were the first thing to grow and become an anatomical miracle. The stretch marks appeared before I knew what was happening and the magic lotions simply came to late. They are now the signs of my true womanhood, yes each and every stretch marks a day, week, or month that has passed where my boobs have continued to grow. A reminder of what is to come and what I have been through. My war stories even. And still, I look to the end and cannot wait for our medal of honor to arrive, the little dude that will somehow find his way out of my you-know-what and make all of the stretch marks, sickness, and hormones worth it.

Complaints these are not, realizations they are.

1. I am no longer in control of my body

2. Some pretty unexplainable things are happening and it still freaks me out

3. A baby will, very soon, be moving from my insides to the outside

4. I cant sweat the small stuff, but I can cry over it

5. The stomach growls and grumbles are not my child speaking to me

                   

This is what keeps me going.

blood tests and brownies

It's been months since I've baked. I don't know what caused me to take a sabbatical on the baked goods, or at least those that I made myself. Maybe it was the mental preoccupation about strollers, and nursery rugs, and breast pumps, and a growing belly. Well, the reasons are neither here nor there, the homemade baked goods sabbatical has ended. I made brownies yesterday. Amazing, delicious, perfect brownies. Chocolatey, fudgy, chewy brownies, with marshmallow puff stuff mixed into the batter. It's my [not-so] secret ingredient. 

I had my 1-hour Glucose Tolerance Test last week. For those that don't know what this is, it's a test done around your 25th-28th week of pregnancy that tests you for Gestational Diabetes (eek!). I wasn't allowed to eat or drink for 2 hours prior to my test, I came in and had to drink about 6 oz of a flat-extra-sugary-orange-soda type glucose concoction. It actually wasn't that bad, I was pleasantly surprised as most of the women on the pregnancy websites talk about how miserable it was. And then I sat and waited for an hour before they drew my blood...once again. I've never had so much blood taken in a 6 month period of my life before. Basically, if your numbers aren't "normal" they have you come in for a 3-hour test (ick!) before finding out if you have GD or not. My biggest fear was having to do the 3-hour test and go hours without food and hours sitting in a waiting room. That seemed to be just about the most miserable thing I could imagine. It was never a worry about having GD. I get it, my priorities are mixed up. Take away my food and my comfort, I kill you. I got the call yesterday and all my results were normal! Yay! And I was then happily on my way to get the makings for brownies. 

I will never be made to feel bad about my decisions, especially my decisions during my pregnancy. I have been doing so well, I have been making balanced choices, keeping myself active and all of the results from both myself and the baby have been wonderful! I have never and will never claim to be the healthiest person around. That's just not me, and I have no desire for it to ever be me. I love the food I love too much. It gives me pure joy. So be it, I say. The moral of this somewhat defensive rant is...I ate a brownie this morning, and I might have another one before the day is over. Simply because I deserve it. 

Baby will be here in 11 weeks! I cannot believe it.