The First Fart

James & Little Dude: Two monkeys with their tongues out!

I know that many assumptions and conclusions may be drawn from the title of this post, so please allow me a minute to preface with the following facts:

1. My husband has never heard me fart. Though if asked, he will say I have done so in my sleep, but I still feel we shouldn't be held responsible for anything we say or do in our sleep.

2. I have simply never been a gassy person. It's just the fact of the matter. Never been an issue, and I have literally never let one slip out loud in the presence of another human being...accidentally or otherwise.

3. I am so uncomfortable with the thought of being a gassy person, I can't even call it being gassy when I do feel that way. We have a word in our house for it. Airy. There is something more respectable about that. It implies no scent or byproduct. It is simply the normal, biological feeling of having air built up inside. 

With that being said...

I am in my ninth month of pregnancy, and with that comes an enormous amount of new discomforts. One being that the child beast inside of me seems to have hit a growth spurt last month and makes me feel more walrus-like than ever. Huge. Epically. After 30 minutes of walking around Ikea or The Container Store I feel nauseous because of the deep pain in my back, my puffy feet feel like I'm walking on a ridged cobblestone road barefoot, and the little dude's head is constantly pushing down on my bladder, making it absolutely necessary to pee every 30 minutes (if I'm lucky). 

In addition it means everything in my middle section is becoming even more cramped and crowded. So you can imagine how air may get trapped or pushed around as the baby settles in and even more so when he decides it's time to participate in his own little womb aerobics class. 

Which brings me to Target. There I was, walking around the baby section looking for a crib skirt for little dude's basically completed nursery (yay!). When out of nowhere, I hear a noise. A quick, but almost certain fart. Out loud. It scared the hell out of me. I looked around and there was no one to be seen...unless they were hiding in the aisles pointing and laughing at the helpless pregnant lady. Yes it was me. That sound came from me. I could not believe it. I had no idea it was coming, and you'd think I'd have some warning or some control. But no, nothing. No feeling of being...airy. No warning of the impending inevitability of a release. It just happened. And I could do nothing but freeze in panic, for fear another step would lead to an equally horrifying and startling sound. And there I stood, the lady who previously snickered at the two pregnant ladies who farted during our childbirth class, having experienced the same. In a Target. My usual place of comfort. A sanctuary of spending and solice. And yet on this day, it became the place that I first farted out loud. 

I guess more than anything, this is a confession and a request to all of you who maintain the control of your inner workings, to withhold judgement and extend understanding, as we, the mighty pregnant ladies, are being seriously squished inside. 

Less than a month to go!

blood tests and brownies

It's been months since I've baked. I don't know what caused me to take a sabbatical on the baked goods, or at least those that I made myself. Maybe it was the mental preoccupation about strollers, and nursery rugs, and breast pumps, and a growing belly. Well, the reasons are neither here nor there, the homemade baked goods sabbatical has ended. I made brownies yesterday. Amazing, delicious, perfect brownies. Chocolatey, fudgy, chewy brownies, with marshmallow puff stuff mixed into the batter. It's my [not-so] secret ingredient. 

I had my 1-hour Glucose Tolerance Test last week. For those that don't know what this is, it's a test done around your 25th-28th week of pregnancy that tests you for Gestational Diabetes (eek!). I wasn't allowed to eat or drink for 2 hours prior to my test, I came in and had to drink about 6 oz of a flat-extra-sugary-orange-soda type glucose concoction. It actually wasn't that bad, I was pleasantly surprised as most of the women on the pregnancy websites talk about how miserable it was. And then I sat and waited for an hour before they drew my blood...once again. I've never had so much blood taken in a 6 month period of my life before. Basically, if your numbers aren't "normal" they have you come in for a 3-hour test (ick!) before finding out if you have GD or not. My biggest fear was having to do the 3-hour test and go hours without food and hours sitting in a waiting room. That seemed to be just about the most miserable thing I could imagine. It was never a worry about having GD. I get it, my priorities are mixed up. Take away my food and my comfort, I kill you. I got the call yesterday and all my results were normal! Yay! And I was then happily on my way to get the makings for brownies. 

I will never be made to feel bad about my decisions, especially my decisions during my pregnancy. I have been doing so well, I have been making balanced choices, keeping myself active and all of the results from both myself and the baby have been wonderful! I have never and will never claim to be the healthiest person around. That's just not me, and I have no desire for it to ever be me. I love the food I love too much. It gives me pure joy. So be it, I say. The moral of this somewhat defensive rant is...I ate a brownie this morning, and I might have another one before the day is over. Simply because I deserve it. 

Baby will be here in 11 weeks! I cannot believe it. 

hello! hello? uh...hello

Made by our wonderful friend for the little guy!

I'm finding that it is getting more and more difficult to write. Writer's block of sorts. Maybe pregnancy and baby hormones are blocking the clever writing part of my brain. And then I wonder, maybe my life just isn't interesting enough to write about right now. But that's not so. There are things that happen everyday that make me laugh, scoff, or think. Things I would love to share. However I seem to have lost the ability to formulate paragraphs and sentences and stories. Instead all I can do is just blurt out what's in my head. 

So that is what I will do. For my sake, not so much yours. But perhaps, you'll still take pleasure in the happenings that I think are worth sharing. 

My chest is growing at a ridiculous rate. I had already gone up a size in the first few months, and just this week I had to get resized at the wonderful VS. My husband joined me but stayed in tow as we walked through, looking for a lady with her tape measurer. She measured and says that I am now a 36D almost DD I reflexively look at my, seemingly out of place, husband and raise my eyebrows. As soon as they whisk me away to a dressing room he shouts over to me, "I will be out there," pointing to the outside of the store as if it is some place of safety. I couldn't help thinking, a D almost DD? Holy cow! This is why my XL sports bra is a little snug. And it explains the sudden stretching pain I sometimes feel in my boobs when I roll over at night and gravity seems to be tugging them in the opposite direction. Oh poor boobs. 

Speaking of boobs, I have just discovered that my dictionary.com app on my iphone pronounces words when you look them up. It has kept me quite entertained to say the least. My favorites thus far are Poop and Boobs. The lady so eloquently says them, it is such a conflict with the words themselves that I can't help but snicker like a four year old. Try it, do it. And tell me good words to look up. 

Have you guys heard about the nearly 1 million photos of NYC that have been released? Old photos that they have spent years digitizing. They are amazing. And there are so many, here are some that I've seen so far that are amazeballs. 

http://digitalgallery.nypl.org/nypldigital/index.cfm

http://digitalgallery.nypl.org/nypldigital/index.cfm

The baby is the size of lettuce this week apparently. 26 Weeks pregnant, and the end, or beginning, is coming closer and closer. I've been doing pretty good at keeping my pregnant self active. I walk a 3.5 mile loop atleast 3 times a week. It's been going pretty well and I definitely feel good after I've gotten that exercise in. I also got my teeth cleaned last week. And I shower on a daily basis. All said, I'm doing pretty good at keeping myself up, ya know, not withering away into a messy blob of pregnant lady. 

This bee was creepily watching me make dinner from the outside of the window last night. Shiver. 

the day to day

We are halfway along and almost to the starting line of parenthood. Twenty weeks have passed and twenty more are to come. It's funny how quickly it seems to have gone, yet how far away the due date feels. 

I am feeling wonderful, my biggest annoyance is the fact that I have a bloody  nose most of the time. Apparently your nasal capillaries expand when you are pregnant. Because that makes so much sense? Other than that, I don't have too many aches and pains, I can deal with peeing every twenty minutes, and luckily I have a flexible enough schedule that if I don't get good sleep at night I can nap, or sleep in a little. Plus, feeling the little guy kick and move in my belly is pretty much worth it all. 

I am super grateful to be able to be home while pregnant, rather than being strapped to a 9 to 5 job but I am getting that restless feeling. I have tons of projects and things I want to do, however, the freedom that I've always wanted is somehow leaving me with no direction. I feel like a kid standing in the middle of Krispy Kreme overwhelmed at all of the different donuts and simply just melting down in stress over the possibilities and options rather than making a choice. I know right, if this is the biggest complaint in my life than I might as well shut up. Well this is my blog, and I will moan and groan about things that aren't even worth complaining about because...because I said so!

Some things I want to do with my "free time":

-Become an expert in animals

-Learn to sew

-Blog more regularly

-More photography

-Craft Projects

-More pregnancy exercises (ie yoga)

On another note, I finally went to Trader Joe's yesterday and oh how I have missed it. We have a grocery store 5 minutes away, and Trader Joe's is 15 minutes away, so it's always so much easier to drive down the road and shop at the blah grocery store. I know, cue the eye rolls...15 minutes isn't hardly a commute, my life is so petty. I think we've now decided it's worth the 15 minute drive to meander down the aisles of the fresh produce, great frozen meals, and yummy treats and TJs. Last nights dinner was a ceasar salad, arugula ravioli and turkey meatballs. We haven't had such a great meal at home in a long time. And tonight? Chicken fajitas! 

I'm off to munch on tortilla chips and spicy black bean dip. Oh my, my heart has been reclaimed. 

New Stuff, WooHoo Stuff

So we've been out of town for a couple of weeks, doing some pretty cool things. Spending time with lots of friends and playing like kids. Speaking of kids, we want some. We want some soon. We have friends with little ones, friends soon to be expecting, it's all happening at the same time, and like the usual bandwagoners that we are, we want to join the baby owners club. 

In the spirit of plans to soon be impregnated -okay its actually just so I can feel all pretty again- I'm working out and drinking all my sludgey green stuff. Kind of ironic. Going to lose weight, and then probably shortly thereafter,  have a little person growing inside of me.  Isnt it an excuse to gain weight? Naw, I want to be that lady who from behind looks hot and sexy, and then from the front you realize she's pregnant. 

On my run today, pre-occupying my mind, I started judging people based on their homes. I ran by one house, who I strongly believe I would NOT be friends with. They had no less than 5 signs on their front gates. "NO PARKING. You WILL be ticketed & towed." and "CURB YOUR DOG. Pick up their defication." Defication? Really? Assholes. And then there's the neighbor that has a cat in the window. I am not a cat person. And the old guy who sits on his porch staring at everyone that passes...yes sir, that is welcoming. Do you happen to have any creepy candy inside your creepy house? I'd love to come in, all alone -- or maybe your windowless van? Sure thats is fine too. 

We're beyond excited to be moving into our new home at the end of August. Maybe our neighbors there will be better. Let me let a dog deficate on their lawn or park in front of their driveway. Yes, maybe, just maybe. Aw a new house, for our new life, and our future new family, our new big tv and *fingers crossed* new furniture and new curtains, new throw pillows, new city. 

It's been an ordinary week, and the thing that I love about that is, that if this is ordinary, there is no way our life will ever be boring. Feeling absolutely content, pleased, happy with each and every moment. So cheesy I know, so mushy, especially for a sarcastic, crass individual like myself. But it is so..my life rocks. My husband is bomb. yep, i said it, bomb! as in absolutely explosively awesome. Go husband!